Saturday night I was in such a high celebrating my ten year barber anniversary. Most of my closest friends and I got together at a restaurant/lounge and we talked, laughed, danced, and simply enjoyed the night away. I felt so loved and appreciated and so happy that everyone had an amazing time.
On the next day, my landlords for the salon suites I work for, had organized a celebration for their two year anniversary of opening up their “My Salon Suites” location and our accomplishments as small business owners.
But for some reason, after experiencing such a high the previous night, as I arrived to my work celebration, I began to feel so depressed and lonely.
How could this be? I was just so full of excitement and joy the previous night, and just like that, the feeling of loneliness creeped up on me. I hadn’t felt this way in such a long time that I couldn’t understand what was going on.
As I drove off that Sunday evening from my work celebration, all I could do was ask, “Jesus, why?”
I simply drove without a destination as I let out my tears believing that even those were prayers being sent up to God crying out for comfort.
Questioning my emotions and asking the Lord to search my heart, I knew that my emotions and feeling of loneliness were triggered by being physically alone in this event while noticing all my colleagues with their husbands and families celebrating together.
As that realization sunk in my tears kept falling. Again I asked, “why, Lord? Why am I single?”
I confessed to God that I didn’t want to idolize marriage nor even think that a husband could fill my void. And I thanked Him for all that I have and for all that I am today because of His grace towards me.
My life is full and I know I don’t need a husband to “complete” me because I’ve learned that in God alone I am complete. ❤️
But this doesn’t dismiss the fact that I do long for a partner to do life with, and that’s okay…
As I’m feeling this way in that moment, I can’t help but to think of all the single people, the single parents, the widowed, and even the married person that also feels lonely because well, I’ve been there too…
Sometimes it’s so easy to feel guilty for wanting a partner. But there’s a difference from knowing a want from a need.
We don’t “need” spouse to make us happy nor to finally begin living the life we dream of. No other human is created to complete you and when we believe this lie, relationships become toxic and we drain the other person by trying to manipulate them to become or do for us what we “think” we need of them.
To want a spouse by already understanding and believing in our hearts that we are made complete is a good and healthy desire to have. When we know our identity is in Christ alone, relationships are a lot healthier even when problems arise because we understand that that person is just as flawed as we are, yet we both walk by faith in Christ trusting that He guides us both in the right path.
When God created Adam, He said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone.” So He took a rib from Adam and created a woman for them both to work together on the field.
In the same way I do believe you and I were created to have companion to work together on this side of Heaven for kingdom work.
My friend, it’s okay to desire a spouse. It’s okay to feel lonely at times, (even while in a relationship). God knows our hearts, our desires, and our needs. But He is never too late nor too early to deliver our needs.
If you’re in a season of waiting and feeling lonely, thank God for this season as He uses it to strengthen our faith and brings us into deeper relationship with Himself. Ask Him to search your heart and reveal to you what void you are trying to fill outside of His will and seek Him for strength and guidance to walk alongside Him. Trust that He hears your prayers, even those that are streams of water falling from your cheeks…
Lord, thank You for this season of singleness and for all that You are doing in my heart. I pray to lean onto You when I’m tempted to fill a void in me that only you can fill. I trust that, at the right time, You will provide a spouse for me if it is your will for my life. Help me to never believe the lie that I can’t enjoy my life as a single person and I pray to do all that You place in my heart to do in this season of my life. With or without a spouse, I am complete in You alone. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen
Trust God, and Do Good 🙂