“Just one more cookie, no one will even notice. I can do this again and I’ll feel a lot better after it’s over.”
This is what would go through my mind as I worked as a server on the second floor of a senior home during my high school years. I’d neatly package the cereals, drinks, chips and snacks for the elderly throughout my shift.
I was alone majority of the time before breakfast and lunch was served. I honestly enjoyed my peace and quiet as I cleaned and finished my duties. But there were other days where I’d be alone with my own thoughts that haunted me from time to time.
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’re never going to be worth it for anyone or anything.”
“Who would ever love you?”
“You’re so dumb, why would anyone give you a chance to anything?”
“Your life has no purpose.”
Have you ever had these thoughts dwell inside you long enough that you truly believed them?
These thoughts creeped into my mind long enough to live as if I truly believed them. I constantly settled for toxic relationships with men, I settled for bad friendships and always seemed to put everyone before my own needs simply to feel accepted, needed, or wanted.
Twenty five cookies would often make it into my mouth while I was alone in that tiny-yellow hospital looking kitchen. I had learned very quickly how to tickle my throat long enough to vomit every single one of those cookies to the point I felt empty and “satisfied” as if that satisfaction ever lasted long enough, at least until I had to do it again and again a few more times.
My friend, if no one has told you today that your life has a purpose, hear me say that it does because God created you on purpose. If no one has told you that you are loved today, let me tell you that you are so deeply loved, seen and heard. You are enough!
God created each and one of us on purpose and for a purpose.
It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed and overlooked in a world where we’re bombarded with countless of information left and right. Social media can overtake us if we fall into the constant scrolling only to the point we feel defeated when our mind begins to play that dirty comparison game.
My friend, I get you.
While eating disorders, depression and anxiety are all real things, they don’t have the final say in our lives. You don’t have to live through them on your own.
Here are some Biblical scriptures that can help guide you during seasons of depression, desires for good health, purpose and better life choices:
“God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need Him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom.” ~Psalm 46:1-2
“Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders – He’ll carry your load, He’ll help you out.” ~Psalm 55:22
“He used His servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing.” ~1 Peter 2:24
“My choice is You, God, first and only. And now I find I’m Your choice!” ~Psalm 16:5
“We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.” ~Proverbs 16:9
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11
I don’t know what you’re going through right now, what void you’re trying to fill, or where you’re seeking affirmation and who you may be seeking to complete you. But let me remind you this one thing or help you realize something that will never change.
Throughout the Bible God says;
You’re enough for me.
You are the apple of my eye and you are perfect.
I love you.
I will never give up on you and I AM a God of endless second chances.
I created you on purpose.
My Son, Jesus Christ, died on the cross and resurrected so that you may live. Your faith in Him will set you free…
Father God, thank You for Your endless love for me. Forgive me for the times I try to fill my void with all these things that were never meant to fulfill me the way only You can do. Lord, I lay down all of my worries and anxieties at Your feet. Please heal me. I need You in my life and I can’t do anything on my own strength. I pray that You’d guide me and renew my mind, Lord. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray, Amen.