Single Through the Holidays and a Pandemic

If you clicked on this blog post I’m assuming you’re single through this holiday season and the pandemic or, simply curious to what I have to say. Well, either way I’m glad you’re here!

This past week as I was carefully fading with detail one of my clients beards, after a brief silence he asked, “Do you see yourself getting married?”

It’s probably best to state the fact that I’ve known this client for nearly nine years. We’ve shared life experiences throughout our conversations over the years as he’s continued to follow me in my journey as a barber. So, I guess it’s safe to say that simply because we’ve known each other for some time now, he knew I wouldn’t be offended by his question. In fact, I chose to take it as a genuine concern about my feelings towards singleness at age 28.

I don’t know if this is you, but I can almost guess that you, too, can relate to sometimes feeling hopeless especially when we’re living times like these. It was already tough getting to know good eligible bachelors before COVID_19, but adding this to the situation has only made dating even more difficult especially if you’re not one to entertain the idea of online dating.

So what can we do?

While we can’t change what’s happening all over the world, we can choose how we live through it.

I remember one time recently I mentioned to a best friend of mine that if I hadn’t came to Jesus Christ back in 2017 and had not lived these past three years of intentional singleness I would have probably committed suicide by now. I know this sounds a bit extreme, but if you’ve read about my testimony you’d learn that I’ve experienced depression and anxiety in the past that lead to suicidal thoughts and thankfully an unsuccessful attempt.

I get it, trust me. I, too, would love to be in a relationship or at least be getting to know someone right now, but I’m not and that’s okay. In my opinion, singleness is a season of personal growth and getting to know who we are, what our purpose in life is, and most importantly whom God is as we make Him priority in our lives and this is not to say that we only make God a priority in our singleness and then put him on the back burner when we meet someone. God through our singleness wants us to make Him the foundation of our lives now in this season so that we can in fact have healthy and fruitful relationships in the future.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com

I just read a quote from Pastor Michael Todd’s book, “Relationship Goals,” that holds so much truth in my opinion…

Our high divorce rate may have less to do with bad marriages and more to do with bad singleness.

~Michael Todd

If I agree with his statement is because I’ve personally experienced this with my own previous marriage. It’s not that it was simply a bad marriage, and believe me it was, I didn’t know who I was nor what my real purpose in life at the time was. But how could I have known any of these things when my focus and goal was always to have someone and be someone’s wife. And then what? Reality hit and I had realized too late that that was not the answer to my fulfillment. But by the grace of God after I had hit rock bottom a few years later after a divorce and then a broken engagement to another man I was about to marry, God gave me another chance to really experience what it means to live a single life by His side.

“Come close to God, and He will come close to you.”

~James 4:8

Many times we feel like God isn’t with us, but the truth is that sometimes we’re not seeking Him as we should be. He knows our desires, but He also knows why He has us in this season of singleness. It’s not to punish us, in fact, it’s to equip us to be a better partner to our spouse at the right time.

When my client asked me if I see myself getting married I shared with excitement the fact that I honestly do see myself getting married one day. God placed that desire in me for a purpose. But for now, my calling is to keep seeking God, serving Him in my singleness, learning to be content where I am now, and trusting in His timing to meet someone that is also living for God and using his own gifts and talents to further God’s kingdom…

I believe God can do this through you, too.

Pray…

Lord, thank you for this season of singleness. Forgive me for sometimes complaining about it instead of appreciating what a gift this really is not only to myself, but to those around me and my future spouse.God, I pray for wisdom and courage to use this season to glorify You by using my gifts and talents for Your glory. I pray this in Jesus’s name. Amen!