She had dated all throughout her teenage years, but not once did she let a man go too far for her comfort. Most of her friends had already experimented with more than one guy, yet she never understood why it was so easy for them to just go for it without regrets. At least, until she had gone for it herself…
High school classes always were a dread for her to the point that she only did enough to get by. School was simply a place to be away from home and a place to observe how everyone else lived. Some kids seemed so focused on their studies, while others seemed eager to live the wildlife as they immersed themselves in gangs and toxic relationships. But she, as much as she tried, simply couldn’t fit into either of these groups.
As the last year of high school came, she had already met yet another guy, much older than the rest had already been for her. Five-foot seven, broad shoulders, short hair and a clean beard fit the picture of what she was often drawn to. But this one seemed to be more acceptable to her family despite the almost ten year difference he had on her. He had a very similar upbringing and background to her family which made her feel as she finally fit in simply because there was more she could interact with them about.
Over seven months into the relationship, and despite a few reflags she had encountered, she had made up her mind that this one would be “the one.” I mean, everyone else around her seemed to have it all figured out as to which college degrees to pursue while others prepared to welcome new babies into their lives. Why not, right? Isn’t this how its supposed to be? Those of us whom don’t really have a “plan” after high school might as well just settle down and get married.
She was always very stubborn and her family can certainly attest to it. Once her mind was made up with this guy there was no turning back.
Although, there was one thing she couldn’t quite figure out. She wasn’t sure he felt the same way for her as she did for him. She never really felt like he wanted to marry her, at least not for the right reasons and in her mind, there was only one way to find out. She decided to give him what she had protected and held onto for only one man. This would certainly keep him from wanting to leave, right?
When that day came, her innocence and the lies she grew up believing had gotten the best of her. She thought, “If only I give him what I’ve protected for so long, then he will love me more and never leave.”
Oh, how quickly did she learn that this was not the answer to her deepest longing. She cried in the shower knowing that even in that moment, the hot water that made her skin so red couldn’t wash away how dirty and ashamed she felt.
I wonder how many of us women fall for these lies: The thought of never measuring up. The fear of being left behind. The need to feel like we fit in. And the pride to do what it takes to keep someone around, even if it costs our dignity and moral values.
I don’t know what you’ve gone through in your past. What you are currently facing. Or, what shame and guilt you may be carrying. But know this truth:
You, my friend, are worthy, loved, chosen, seen, heard and valuable.
God loves working in us and through us. He is the potter and we are the clay, as it’s stated on Isaiah 64:8. But how can we become His beautiful masterpiece if we don’t let Him reshape, stretch, and mold us into whom we were called to be?
My friend, God knows what you’ve done and where you’ve been. But He also knows where you are going. He longs for us to seek Him in every area of our lives because He cares for us and we are valuable to him regardless of how far away from Him we’ve gone.
But seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.~Proverbs 3:6
Trust God, and Do Good 🙂
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