In my previous post, “People pleasing VS The Holy Spirit,” I shared about my six week experience in a new relationship with a guy and how my “people pleasing” tendencies interfered with my obedience to the Holy Spirit. Going off of that post, I also want to share how that six week experience brought back so many memories of a previous relationship that has actually inspired many of my posts since I began blogging in 2016.
Back in 2015, (before my walk with God), I had just reached about a year of singleness after splitting up with my ex-husband. I then, met a guy the year I had chosen to finalize my divorce and, long story short, I had no idea this person would become almost like a mirror to my life as I began to see my fears, insecurities, and pain this previous marriage had caused. The more I fell in-love with this person, the more I noticed my insecurities came up. My ex-husband had betrayed my trust multiple times throughout our dating and married years, yet I had no idea how much this would affect my next relationship. I had become obsessive over looking through his phone “just incase,” he too, could possibly be unfaithful to me in some way. Both him and I had come from broken pasts, yet we had no idea this would affect us in the future.
I know many of you reading this right now can relate to this in some way. In a world full of so many options of meeting people and the mindset of “no strings attached” has made us so insensitive, yet so many of us continue to desire commitment and faithfulness.
The reason why i’m going back to my relationship from 2015 is because my recent relationship of six weeks from my previous post reminded me so much of how much God has healed me and helped me overcome my insecurities within these past two-plus years of singleness. Early on in this new relationship, I noticed insecurities and old habits of mine in this person such as; wanting to spend too much time with my partner so early in the relationship, desiring to please for selfish reasons, and even questioning every little thing. I used to be this person too! And it wasn’t healthy yet I didn’t see it this way until I was on the other side of the relationship being the one whom was accused of things that weren’t even true. I’m not saying that I did everything right in this recent relationship because I clearly stated the fact that I did my fair share of harm by not sticking to my honest answers and falling into my tendency to people please in order to keep someone else happy. In fact, I also had compassion for him because I understood what he felt and why he felt this way. And you know what? I’m glad this all happened because it helped me see what God has been doing in me these last few years of singleness and a life devoted to Him.
Going back to ending that engagement back in 2018, although it was painful for me at the time I don’t regret it. God clearly spoke to me about ending it and the peace I had felt that night that I walked away from that apartment is something I can’t explain. Yes, I did cry and feel so confused many times in the beginning of my singleness, but the more I leaned onto God by seeking His word, constantly praying, attending church small groups, and seeking professional counseling along with my mentor was all part of Gods divine plan to help me understand how loved and complete I am alone in Him. God’s forgiveness and grace towards me through reading it in His word and experiencing it through His people helped me heal from within to which lead me to forgive my past mistakes and people that have hurt me. I needed this season of singleness to heal and truly give my life to God instead of idolizing relationships and marriage. I also needed this recent relationship in order for me to see how faithful God has been in healing me and strengthening my faith and walk with Him.
God has been and forever will be faithful to His children. We will experience detours and sorrow in our lives, but even in those seasons God is faithful to us all. Nothing will ever satisfy us or truly fill that void in our hearts the way only God can do.
“Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gets understanding. For it is better than getting silver and fine gold. She is worth more than stones of great worth. Nothing you can wish for compares with her. Long life is in her right hand. Riches and honor are in her left hand. Her ways are pleasing, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her. Happy are all who hold her near.” ~Proverbs 3:13-18
My hope for all of us is that we may continue to Trust God, and Do Good as we continue to seek Him and desire His vision for our lives here on earth. In order for us to receive healing and guidance in every area of our lives we must submit to Him and seek Him in all that we do. God is always waiting for us with open arms regardless of where we are or what we’ve done.