For someone who tries to avoid conflict with people I seem to have the most conflict within my self, a lot. I may not always verbalize them to others around me, but I tend to talk to God a lot about my struggles and then I feel guilty for doing so much of what feels like complaining to Him.
As an entrepreneur I confess that sometimes it feels very lonely. I’d honestly say that most of my stress comes from running my own business as a barber.
For those of you that don’t know me, I’ve been in the barbering business since 2011 at age 19, but became self-employed back in 2015 and going strong by the grace of God from the very beginning.
(I’m totally a visual learner. Feel free to check out my work on Instagram @kingdombeautydesign ).
I personally never intended to become a barber actually, my desire since I was younger was always to do women’s hair, makeup, and help them get all glammed up for them to look and feel their best. I practiced on my barbies, my Bratz Doll that was specifically used for updos, and on myself as I loved to experiment with braids, the smokey eye makeup look, oh, and don’t get me started on the super high heels and the clothes I used to wear in high school that made it look like I was going to a salsa dance club after class. I also LOVED watching Stacey and Clinton on TLC’s show “What Not To Wear.”
Little did I know that right after finishing up beauty school God had a whole different plan for me.
I remember driving around shopping centers looking for hair salons that would possibly hire me. At one point I remember crying in my car after walking out of a small Latino hair salon in Wheeling, IL feeling so stressed out because I’d probably never get hired as a new stylist fresh out of beauty school. Before I drove off the parking lot, my dear friend Gabby, whom was in my class, called me to see if i’d check out a hair salon that was currently hiring in Palatine, IL. WOW! We both began our careers there not knowing we’d be exposed to more male clientele than woman.
To be honest with you, I fell in love with the art of men’s hair and the different atmosphere of it all. The conversations were different and I felt on top of the world. Women were not common to be barbers and even now it’s still a very male dominated industry.
In the first years of barbering I learned how easy it was to attract clients. Sometimes I don’t even think they chose me for the looks of my haircuts, but as a challenge for them to get to “know” me. I was very naive and not to mention married to someone who would’t respect me as his wife. You could say I was feeling lonely, undesired, less than and unworthy to be loved. I was easy target especially after moving into a divorce.
I mention all of this because I realize that this career has had the most impact in my life and where i’ve grown the most. I walked into it unplanned and with skills I didn’t know I had, and I felt powerful most times for the wrong reasons, but then as time went by in 2015 God led me to become self-employed which was never in my imagination. I felt afraid but it turned out way better than I thought.
It was through series of events that within those four years of being self-employed and in a new romantic relationship I felt broken and underpressure due to change of environment and a new mentality towards my career. I knew I couldn’t do relationships, career, or life on my own so I turned to God in desperation and was saved in 2017.
I’d love to say that my career, romantic relationships, and life has gotten easier but it hasn’t. Has everything been worth it? Heck Yeah!
Through my career as a barber God has miraculously taught me what it is to respect myself and actually be a friend and a good listener to all these men which most of them have been walking along side with me through this journey for the past 8+ years. God has taught me how to set boundaries, how to serve, and most importantly how it’s never been about me but about Him.
Now that i’ve shared all of this with you let me go back to the beginning 🙂 Yes, I stress out a lot and complain to God as I ask Him why I am feeling a certain way, but that makes me human and it reminds me how much I need Him. I didn’t exactly seek His help or guidance until 2017 and quite frankly i’m a very stubborn person. I joke about my entrepreneur mindset sometimes being a curse more than a blessing because I like to act fast like I used to instead of seeking God’s will first now. It almost seems like fear has creeped into my life now since accepting Christ as my Lord. But fear does NOT come from God.
“It is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.” ~Philippians 2:13, NIV
I got “fearless” tattooed on my left wrist January 16th, not because I consider myself to be fearless, but as a reminder for my self to fear-less when it comes to the Holy Spirit promoting me to do something new and uncomfortable to me, hence why the “r” and the “l” don’t connect, and to trust that God has better plans for my future which is why the “F” looks like a cross detached from the line above which is a symbol of faith.
My friend, you may be feeling lost, confused, or undefeated for one reason or another, but I encourage you to not lose your faith. God has a purpose for YOUR life. All for His glory.
With all being said…
Trust God, and Do Good 🙂