Kingdom Beauty Design

Hello my friends!

Before you get too excited, I by no means will be telling you that I have achieved the perfect way to live fully confident and loved every day of my life. On the contrary, assuming that you have read a few of my most recent blog posts, I want to share with you a few things that have been helping me through this continuing process of learning how to reset my mind and learning how to surrender daily to God and making a daily choice to abide in Him.

Yesterday, in our Bible study small group, we began a six week series with Lysa TerKeurst’s “Uninvited: Living loved when you feel less than, left out, and lonely.” I fell in love with her first week statement on how to “live from a deep assurance that you are fully loved, and that you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.” Doesn’t this way of living sound great!?! Of course it does, but how do we do this when we don’t always feel it?

For me, there’s times that I feel extremely pumped about projects I want to achieve and I clearly envision myself doing them with so much confidence. I work my way up to preparing for whatever that may be, but then as soon as I’m about to achieve my goal I tend to deflate. How can this be?

My thought process tends to go something like this:

“Who are you trying to fool? You’re not as confident as you think you are.”

“Why would anyone want to listen to you? You’re a nobody.”

“You could walk into a room fool of people and nobody will even acknowledge you, so why bother?”

And the list could go on. Can you relate?

From my personal study through scripture and healing process, I’ve learned that most of my fears and anxieties come from when I was a child which affected the choices I made as I grew older.

“Why would I think anyone would want to hear what I have to say if I never really felt heard by my own family? Shouldn’t they care more about me than a stranger would?”

“And, why would anyone even consider acknowledging me if my own husband at the time would have to watch porn right next to me before even touching me?”

Do you see the picture?

Our own negative self-talk comes from past hurts. Of course, i’m not blaming anyone about how I felt back then, nor am I excusing their actions. Truth is, we need to pray and allow God to search our hearts and bring us to the root of our pain and suffering so that He can help us move past our fears and live that life of a confident and full of love person we want to be. But in order to allow Him to help us, we need to make a choice of daily surrender to Him. 

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; HE WILL QUIET YOU BY HIS LOVE; He will exult over you with loud singing.” ~Zephaniah 3:17

Did you catch that? He will quiet you by His love… I personally understood it as, “He will help me quiet those negative thoughts I personally think about myself or what I think others say about me as long as I abide in His word and truly believe His truth.”

I’d say my primary love language is “words of affirmation,” but honestly, even though I LOVE and appreciate  when my friends and people say encouraging words to me, I admit that I most times don’t know how to respond to them and I now realize that it’s mainly because I don’t always fully believe/feel it myself all of the time. There are some days I do feel confident and worthy, and some days I honestly don’t.  I also understand that I cannot live by peoples approval or encouragement, I need to believe what God says about me first and then  I won’t be tempted to dwell on my own negative self-talk or rely on peoples approval.

What has been helping me personally through this process of confidence and feeling loved:

• Set my phone on airplane mode at least an hour before bed as I either meditate, praise and pray, journal…
• Keep my phone on airplane mode in the morning until I have praised God and studied either through devotional or guided Bible study.
• Place goal boards with pictures in my bedroom and write scriptures on posted notes that clearly speak to me and place them in my office, vanity mirror, and war room.

Thank you for spending time with me, till next blog!

Trust God, and Do Good 🙂