Hello my beautiful friends!
I’ve noticed I have been hesitant to write about this topic even though I love how much more comfortable I am now talking about sex with my closest friends. Sex is simply a messy topic, yet I personally believe it’s important to talk about. I mean, why not, sex is everywhere! We hear about it on television, secular music, and read about it on books or magazines. But do most people really know about sex?
Growing up I never had “the sex talk” with my parents, but all I could remember was that my mom would constantly mention “take care of yourself” which I knew exactly what she meant by that especially after a short topic on boys in my life. I notice how common it is in most Mexican families not to address “the sex” subject yet how strict parents were about not having boyfriends at a certain age and following religious beliefs.
I’ve mentioned how I almost always was in a relationship from the age of fourteen, yet none of these guys were ever in school with me. I remember always being annoyed at all the girls who would walk with their boyfriends in the school hallways and how they would talk about their sex lives. I sometimes envied it yet my mom’s voice always stayed on my mind, at least until my senior year in high school. I was eighteen while I dated a guy of age twenty-seven, whom would later become my husband. Well, almost approaching graduation we had already been talking about getting married so it became easier for me to simply give in. I mean, why not? Everyone else was doing it and we were going to get married anyway.
Dropped off by my dad one morning on the end of E-wing, which was one of the high school entrances, I walked out of the car wearing red stilettos, black leggings and a very colorful tight top that showed off my every curve. I could tell that my dad was confused and ashamed of how I was dressed that day (yet he said nothing to me about it) and honestly I was uncomfortable with him seeing me this way too, but my mind was already made up to what would happen after school that day as soon as my boyfriend picked me up. Surely enough my plan succeeded that evening, but what one time sounded romantic, that evening after what had happened made me feel ashamed of myself and I was left confused. It was not at all what I had thought it would be like…
What was my real reason for doing this in the first place?
I wanted to dance with the world and follow the norms of society. I honestly thought I was missing out and I wanted to experience love in a deeper level. How come no one spoke about the physical or emotional pain after having sex? Why is the world still “enjoying” sex with multiple partners as if our bodies were simply to be used? Do they not know sex somehow makes us emotionally attached anyway? I know I wasn’t aware of any of this either!
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” ~1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Although I didn’t know Christ back then in the way i’m continuing to know Him now is extremely different, I still felt shame and guilt. In fact, even today the shame of my own history with sex tries to haunt me, yet God is helping me forgive myself and He’s using it for good. My flesh craves this type of intimacy still and it’s completely normal, but my mind is set to desire God more now as He will forever continue to strengthen and transform me into the woman He needs me to be… It’s never too late to change 🙂
Trust God, and Do Good 😉