Remember being that young kid wanting to grow up?
I do. I remember always acting to be an adult, more like a spouse, in almost every acting game I played with my cousins. We always acted as if we had a husband and that we were stay at home moms. (My cousins and I would watch TOO many Mexican soap operas with our moms growing up LOL.) Our acting was always inspired by actors in those soaps. I loved it! I couldn’t wait until I grew up so it would become my reality.
Fast forward to my 18 years of age. That dream became reality, but not how I had imagined it to be. A marriage full of lies and false promises. Going home to someone that didn’t see me quite as beautiful as any of the other women was dreadful. Talk about real #ADULTING for ya.
I say this little part of my story to share what I went through these past few days…
Over the past months, I have become more spiritual. My faith in God has grown SO much and I have slowly been healing from my many past life failures. God has been blessing me with the renewing of my mind, great friendships, and even a leadership position at my church. My view of life has been drastically changed. All has been going well as I continue to study His word and by obeying to His commands (at least the ones that have been clear to me.)
Have you heard of a thing called, spiritual warfare?
Well thats exactly what happened to me these past few days. I couldn’t focus on one thing at a time, and no matter how much I studied scripture, I couldn’t figure out what God wanted me to do. I was going crazy! What should I do then? I needed answers! Why aren’t you responding God!?! All I want to do is please You!
My uncertainty drove me crazy. The enemy wanted to push me off track when he saw that I was becoming more of a threat, but little did he know, that i’d push away those nagging thoughts of; “no one cares about you,” “stop being selfish and taking peoples time,” “Jesus isn’t even real.”
Scripture Is For Real
God showed me the way. And, not to mention, the love I experienced through my church family is unbelievable! God doesn’t command us to be involved in community for no reason. When we are all united by Christ, we all seek to help each other up when times get tough because thats who God is. Man is never meant to be alone.
Through my venting to a strong woman of faith, (to whom I admire so deeply,) she helped me dissect what was really going on. Not only was I under attack, but I was blinded and never realized that I was worshiping my God as well as an idol that broke me from the beginning of my younger years; desiring to be loved and finding significance through romantic relationships. I’m not saying that relationships are bad, we are meant to be in relationships! BUT, at the right time.
Wake up call!
Learn to really love yourself first! But most importantly, learn to fall in love with God, and you’ll start loving the things He loves, and saying NO to what does not please Him.
I’m not where I want to be, but I’m certainly not where I used to be, thanks to God’s grace.
“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now in the sons of disobedience…” ~Ephesians 2:1-2
Leave your old ways behind, and let God bless you with a peaceful and joyful life that is worth living…
“For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” ~Ephesians 2:10
Trust God, and DO good… 🙂
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